HOW DARE YOU !!!!!

i come away
    with a wounded eye
that has shown me to
   the way of life called love 
i come away
    with a wounded heart

i come away
   with a wounded heart
that has shown me
    the way to consciousness
i come away
    with a wounded mind

i come way
    with a wounded mind
that has shown me
    the way of light
i come away
    with a wounded soul

but my spirit moves high
    in search of love

We look for answers
where there is no reason for questions.
We want to run
with no place to go.
We search for love
when only on its own it must reach us.
We wait for an end
with birth just over the horizon.
Riding a chariot of freedom
with a cheer of liberty
over the horizon thru a golden rainbow
       America
with a song of peace.

When you have abundance
                     you are lost.
When you have what you need
                      you are blind.
When you are hungry
                      you see clearly.
When you are desperate
                      you cross boundaries.

You
    see
    see
    see
being there, here
    or wherever
does not necessarily
    mean that you'll
    get IT
    understand IT
    maximize from IT
                 ? do you get IT?

Based on our Past we develop our Present
    few are those that UNDERSTAND
the value of the moment
    created from  Past to Present
    and rarer those that can AFFECT
              keep the motion in motion
                                  continue the movement
                                   to FUTURE

                                                              pushed
                                                                over 
                                                             the edge
                                                                                    falling
                                                                                           free falling
eyes open
                                 just to survive
                                                              passing thru
               seeing places I am not
And        THEN
                                          only     
                                                                      a mirror of me.

                                                       PLACES IN YOUR LIFE
                                                       PLACES IN YOUR MIND
                                                    PLACES IN YOUR DREAMS


                             WHAT ARE THEY ANYWAY?


AND YOU FLY
              IN SEARCH OF
                                       A   PLACE
                                                                   MAYBE
                                                                   THERE WILL BE
A__________________________________PLACE
                                                                                            for you
                                                                                                   to set
                                                                                                           your soul
                                      FREE
a PLACE in a SPACE   you can
                                                             FIT

Is this just another place
         to live the life that is within me?


At the fulcrum of my life
         I have accepted my path towards death.


         I accept living.


I accept the responsibility
         of life.


This is my vehicle
             in body
             mind
             heart 
             soul.


I will actively engage life
                   in all places.
           Push my self to
                   beyond the limits
                              of all places.


In thought I have the power of Creation................


In word I have the power of Action........

when I was 4 I ran away from home
I could not go very far
I went into the nearby forest
it got dark
I got lost and turned around
I found myself back at the edge
where I started
my father was there
he thought he found me
I knew knew that I got lost and returned
back to where I started


when I was 10 I ran away
I got hungry
this time I was in a city
I came back to where I started


when I was 11 I ran away
I ran to the place that was very clear in my heart
I ran to god
I ran and I ran and I ran
but god was not there


when I was 12 I ran away
I ran down the alleys of the city
I looked into the back yards of other people
I wanted to know what was it that had kept them there 
what was it that kept them from running away
I was chased away
they did not want me to look
I do not know what I was seeing


when I was 13 I ran away 
to a girl
not far
she lived across the street
to me she was a woman
she opened herself to me
I entered
I thought I was heaven
I ran away


when I was 14 I ran away
to school
to live away and I was imprisoned
2 years I was a slave 
a puppet
they let me go because I did not pay
I ran


when I was 16 I still was running
I was free
I was running
I became more and more tiered


I saw an old man
sitting by the road
a busy road but he was still
he was not gasping like I was
there was not sweat running down his brow
he did not look thirsty
he did not look hungry
I sat down beside him


he did not look at me
he did not say anything to me
I sat
I sat
I sat


I said hello
hhummm  came a sound from him
I said how are you doing
hhummm came a sound from him
I asked if it was OK that I sat next to him
hhummm came a sound from him
I was getting mad because he would not talk


I sat there in silence
but I was not still as he was
I did not say anything
hhumm came a sound from him
it startled me


hhummm was so deep
hhumm came with a rumble
hhummm was a sound that I never heard before
hhummm was so piercing


it hurt me so
to just sit there
but for the first time in my life
I sat
I thought that I have lived so long already
a life and more at my 16 years
I was hungry
I was thirsty
I was cold
I felt alone
he just sat there


hhumm came a sound from him
as if he could hear my restless mind
as if he could hear my question of life
as if he knew my quest
I did not know


for the first time in my life
I did not feel a need to run
hhummm ....so you decided to sit and watch a spell

I was breathless
already a day or two or more have passed since I sat down
this was the first he has spoken
I was suddenly afraid
I was afraid he would tell me
tell me something that I would be afraid to hear
I was afraid that he would tell me
to move on with my life


for the first time in my life
I did not have a need to run
I did not know what to say


hhummm just sit here
is it OK for you to sit next to me
is it OK for you not to know
is it OK for you to say nothing
I will not talk much
nor will I disturb you
just sit
watch
listen
feel what you see and hear
I will not talk much


I sat
I watched
I listened


I saw someone running
I saw someone crying
I saw someone falling
I saw someone dying
I laughed
I saw myself


hhummm came a sound from him
hhummm came a sound from me
I looked and he was not there
I looked down to the ground
I saw a puddle of water
I thought
I reached for my cheek
I felt a tear
I looked down as I watched the tear fall
a ripple in the puddle
the puddle of tears stilled
I saw my face


hhummm came a sound


I got up and started walking
I started a walk that would take me through a life
a life that I would surrender to chance
a life that I would let get caught
in currents of experiences
interactions
involvement with others
I would open my heart
I would open my soul
to love


I felt  god within me
I am myself


hhumm

All of my life I've searched for a woman
   who would pledge her life to me
        not a contract
        have a family
               we met
               we have a family.


But then my heart felt distrust
                              felt pain
                              felt emptiness
                                     and loneliness.


She would say go
    go find one for the night
    go find another
    go ahead and find one that will
                                          love you.


I could not
  I was addicted to the one I was with.


I DON'T KNOW WHAT LOVE IS.


So I sat like a beast in prey
                                 stalking
                                      waiting
         to spring upon the one I love
                        when I see her with another.


Is it for me to let it be
    leave it alone!!!
            "NANA" my business
                          Que sera, sera.


Yet I waited like a thief
           in the night 
           to steal a glance
           of a moment
           that I was afraid
                 may be so.


Either way I loose
     I loose if it is so
     I loose if it is not
because I was afraid
      to trust the
      one heart that loved 
                           me so
I DO NOT KNOW WHAT LOVE IS.

How else am I suppose to feel?


You do not invite me
You have your private life
       you say I did not want to
                  listen.


I did not listen.


                             you said you do not love me
                                                        ever
                                                              never
Then how could you let us
                      have a family?


Was it a spiritual mission for you?
    was it out of pity for me?


           or were you running
                  hiding from your past
        I gave you a safe haven
               or so you thought.


You felt you owed
    at least an illusion.


The image of you and me
        is fading
    leaving
     beautiful fruits
             of our labors
   to continue the
      life
 you and I never had.


I am dying.........

I sit in waiting
    for you to come
        to touch me
           stroke my heart
             wipe my solitary tear.


I try to brave the world
    stand strong
       unyielding to life's wind,
    but I break
           break down in 
   my loneliness to stay strong.


I fall in weakness
   a broken man
     who did not want to trust
         believe
             in the helping hands
                          of love.

What happened?
    how does one become
                             that way?


                  do you get born this way?
                       as your own mother thrusts
                                            you upon this earth.


If that is so than I
    would tell all mothers
      be strong be willful
          as you put forth your
                                              child.


And I would tell all fathers
      to stand firm by the
         side of the mother
               trust her
      for she in deed is
             the very heart
                 of the river mother earth.


Be thankful for the grace
      that has been bestowed upon you
                               to enter her body
                                       and be part of
                                                the gift of life.


Cherish the moment that has passed
          expect no more
             she owes you nothing
                                               the debt is yours.

left behind
not by choice
by force
pushed aside
pushed away
taken away
by police
you called.


now
a lone wolf.

Like a blind man
    I stumble
         I fall
   I do not know where
       I'm falling
   I do not know why
       I'm falling.


I try to grab
   I'm grabbing on air
         I keep falling
I feel nothing but my own panic
                               my aloneness
          hours pass
          days pass
          years go by.


Suddenly I make contact
        and I feel
        finally I feel
                             my heart, my head
                             my body smashing
                             on rocks
                             into pieces I shatter
                     I see the last flutter
                                                of my heart.

I run
you hide
no matter where we go
just can not get away
from myself


the search for
love
life
happiness
what is all
that
mean anyway


you want to feel
but not pain
you want to touch
but you pull away
you want to stay
yet you run
and run
run away


confusion has enveloped me
into this web of mystery
I can not go back
and moving forward
without
sense of direction
yes,
         now here
             rather than
                    no where.

For once let me
    BREAK!
       the chains that so bind me.


As all joys pass by
    let but one
         flower bestow me
                      with Love..........................


Oh Lord of Life,
    have I not
       performed my duties,
    have I not
       carried adequately the burdens.


Not once was there HATE
                                 ANGER       yes.


Not once was there loss of faith
       that light would shine before my life.


I have created this dance
         around me
             still around me
                       can you see me
                       can you feel me
                                      please touch me.


       

I judge
   yet it is I
        who should be judged.


Never did I think loving you I could hurt you.


Why do I have so much pain?
     Do I cause this pain?
         Is pain fuel for my art?


There is unrest in my soul.


Will Life's fortune be my curse?
        How have I sinned?


As a child
 the little i
           set out
                 on a search
                       of a place


a place of the Miraculous.

But I still love you.
Never stopped loving
         though I tried


Now I know
       I love you forever
And I know
     you know
         who you are,
The mother of my children.


I thank you for letting me
        love you
           forever.


Now I know what love is.
It is not about you loving me,
           being with me.


Love is me loving you.

No matter how you choose to be
      You are so beautiful 
                                 to me.
    natty dread or bald head
I hope someday
       you will see my heart,
            forgive me
           and let me be in your life
                                         again,
be my  girl, my wife, my friend,
       this lifetime.
I do not want to wait until the next one.